I started writing before I knew how to write. I loved the feel of a pencil between my fingers and made squiggles on paper that were meant to be writing. When I was taught how to form my letters, I practised and practised them until they looked like the ones in my school book. Soon these letters became words, and a little bit later these words became stories, or ‘compositions’ as they were called in my school. I became fussy about which pen I used and spent pocket money on getting just the right one. I revelled in my teacher’s compliments and felt dejected if I wasn’t published every year in the school magazine. That’s how a writer’s addiction begins.
I always aspired to be a fiction writer (and let’s be honest, a prize winning one. If a writer tells you they don’t want any kind of acclaim, they’re lying). I’ve done snippets of journalism and worked on newsletters, and even published a handful of short stories, but the hard slog of long-form writing and re-writing is something I’ve still to master. But I never (quite) give up. Why is that? Is it the joy of self-expression? Up to a point. Is it the hope of recognition? It’s in the mix somewhere. Is it for financial reward? That would be nice, but unless you’re employed to write, or hit on the formula for a best-seller, that’s unlikely to happen. So it must be something else. And it is.
It’s the sheer pleasure of playing with words, putting them together in a way that feels unexpected. It’s using those words to have an impact on a reader (hopefully not ‘that was a pile of crap’). Writing is both art and craft, and for me, striving to do it better is one of the most pleasurable ways to spend time. Does that make me a writer? I think it does. Does it make me a ‘good’ writer? Depends what you mean by ‘good’. Will I ever stop writing? I’ve tried to, but the itch keeps coming back.
All creative writers balance hope and self-doubt. Maybe this piece will be the breakthrough piece. Maybe that piece will attract an editor’s eye. But who would want to read this bilge? Why am I even bothering to put my words out into the world? And then we go through the cycle again and again.
Even successful authors walk the tightrope. In 2020, highly regarded British novelist Michèle Roberts’s publisher turned down her latest book, but like the committed writer she is, she dusted herself down and turned the experience into a well-received memoir.
So to all you writers out there, if you really want to write, you will find a way to do it. And if you really love writing, you’ll keep at it. And if anyone asks why you keep writing, especially if you don’t find the success you hoped for, I hope the answer is ‘because I have to’.
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Words are to the heart what light is to eyes; sentences caress the soul as falling water piques ears.
Love the cartoon - so true for me too - but also loved your description of working / playing with words ... the pleasure and the frustration ... and you reference to one of my other favourite writers of the 80s: Michèle Roberts ...